Eight Child Custody Plan Timesharing Options (Children of School Age – Colorado)

Option 1. Every Other Weekend
(Friday 6:00 p.m. to Sunday 6:00 p.m.)
This parenting plan option establishes 12 days separation from the second parent. Divorce research indicates that this is too long for many children, and may diminish the second parent’s importance to the children — with fewer opportunities for involvement in their day-to-day, school and homework activities. In addition, this option provides little relief to the first parent from children responsibilities. This parenting plan option may be preferred, however, given the parents’ history of involvement with the children, available time for parenting, present parenting resources, or, as a transitional approach to timesharing.

Option 2. Every Other Weekend Plus Midweek Visit
(Friday 6:00 p.m. to Sunday 6:00 p.m.,
with every Wednesday 5:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m.)
This parenting plan option limits separation from the second parent to seven days. Adding the midweek transition could allow for more conflict on the transition back to the first parent’s home. Some second parents describe the evening only visit as too rushed with less time to adequately supervise homework and to “settle in.” This option may be one of a few workable ones with second parents having difficult work schedules, especially those with very early hours.

Option 3. Every Other Extended Weekend
(Friday 6:00 p.m. to Monday 8:00 a.m.)
This parenting plan option with its more expansive weekend for the second parent reduces the opportunity for parental conflict, and with one less transition, minimizes stress for the children. This option generally is not workable if the second parent resides far from the child’s school.

Option 4. Every Other Weekend Plus Midweek Overnight
(Friday 6:00 p.m. to Sunday 6:00 p.m., with Wednesday 5:00 p.m. to Thursday 8:00 a.m.)
This parenting plan option limits separation from the second parent to six days. It also allows for a broader opportunity for the second parent to supervise homework, and to participate in bedtime and waking rituals. The option’s transition at school after the midweek overnight avoids parental conflict. The midweek overnight also affords the first parent a regularly scheduled break in caretaking responsibilities.

Option 5. Every Other Extended Weekend Plus Midweek Overnight (Friday 6:00 p.m. to Monday 8:00 p.m.,
with Wednesday 5:00 p.m. to Thursday 8:00 a.m.)
This parenting plan option mirrors Option 4, but with a longer weekend, thus conferring more schoolwork and activity responsibility on the second parent. Again, the school or daycare pick ups and drop offs limit further, the opportunity for face-to-face parental conflict.

Option 6. Every Other Extended Weekend With Split Midweeks
(Friday 6:00 p.m. to Monday 8:00 a.m., alternating; plus
with Parent A, every Monday after school to Wednesday 8:00 a.m.;
with Parent B, every Wednesday after school to Friday 8:00 a.m.)

This parenting plan option presents a two day / two day / five day / five day approach to timesharing, and limits separation from the other parent to five days (generally tolerated by children ages five or older). All transitions can take place at school or daycare to eliminate the opportunity for parental conflict. By establishing a consistent midweek residence routine, both parents get both midweek and weekend time allowing full involvement in their children’s work and play, and permitting relief from parenting on a predictable basis.

With this option (and with options 5, 7 and 8), it is important and desirable for the children to have clothing at both homes, and the materials and equipment that make their lives work well. Despite the number of transitions, many school age children (especially those six or seven years of age or older) find this parenting plan option satisfying, but it may be inappropriate with children with difficult temperament or learning disabilities.

Option 7. Every Weekend Split (alternating) and Every Midweek Split (assigned)
(Friday 6:00 p.m. to Saturday 6:00 p.m. (shown), or to Sunday 8:00 a.m, week one;
Saturday 6:00 p.m. or Sunday 8:00 a.m. to Monday 8:00 a.m., week two; plus
with Parent A, every Monday after school to Wednesday 8:00 a.m.;
with Parent B, with every Wednesday after school to Friday 8:00 a.m.)
This parenting plan option limits separation from the other parent to three days, but imposes more transitions. It may be more appropriate for preschool children than Option 6, and is sometimes found particularly workable as an interim schedule until children are five or six years of age.

Option 8.  Every Other Week
(Friday 6:00 p.m. to following Friday 8:00 a.m.)

This parenting plan option imposes seven days separation from the other parent, often quite difficult for children younger than six or seven years of age. It eliminates the opportunity for face-to-face parental conflict by minimizing transitions, and allows both parents and mature children to “settle” into a routine. The children’s cyclical residence can, of course, complicate management of scheduled lessons, activity commitments and daycare arrangements. Some adolescents may even prefer a schedule with two week blocks at each household.

• Note: changing households on Friday after school often works better than on the traditional Monday after school approach (allowing for a “winding-down” at the time of transition, rather than requiring “gearing-up” at that time).

Children Having Two Homes

One of the realities of divorce is that children are suddenly torn from “one two-parent household” to “two one-parent households.” This change can be extremely stressful on children, not only on an emotional level, but on a physical level as well. After two new households have been established, children must adapt to at least one new residence, if not two. Additionally, there may be new schools and new neighborhoods involved.

When a child makes a transition to “two one-parent households,” it is helpful to understand it from the child’s perspective, which is similar to the anxiety experienced on the first day of school: New teachers, new classmates – who can be trusted, who can’t, finding one’s way around the school, getting your locker open, what books and homework need to be taken home, making the bus on time, etc. While such an analogy severely underestimates the stress the children may be going through, it is important to remember what it was like to be at their age. Fortunately, though, there are a number of things a parent can do to help ease the transition of the child during this confusing time.

When the transition is made from one home to two homes, particularly in the case of younger children, there should be objects of comfort such as stuffed animals or toys in each home. Having “comfort items” other than items needed for living present at each place reassures the children that they are welcome in each home. It is also a good idea for each parent to give the children a photograph or other memento to remember the parent by when they are apart.

Moreover, it is important for the children to know that they are safe in each home, and what to do if there is an emergency. This means the children should know where the emergency phones numbers are as well as which neighbors can be counted on for help.

Depending on the length of the visit at each parent’s home, rather than having the child pack a huge suitcase hauling all his or her possessions from one place to the next, the child should have a set of basic items in each home. For example, the child should have toiletries and several sets of clothing at each residence. This limits the inconvenience of continually packing and unpacking, and relieves stress on the child (as well as the parent). It is also helpful to have the children participate in the purchases of the “second set” of items so they can feel like they have some control over the situation.

If possible, it is a good idea to set apart an area in each home as the “child’s room” or some other area that the child can depend on as being his or her own space. If separate rooms for the child are not feasible, other options should be considered, such as a desk or drawer. An area reserved as the child’s can alleviate any fears that the child might have regarding a new setting.

The children should be able to communicate with the other parent, either through email, telephone, or other means. Staying in contact with the other parent allows the children to feel that both parents want to remain involved in their life, regardless of where the children are physically.

In the beginning, the children may be apprehensive about traveling to the other parent’s home for no other reason than simply fear of the unknown. Parents can help their children overcome their fears by telling them that once they get to the new place, they’ll play a favorite game, have a special treat, etc.

If there are family pets, it may sometimes be possible if the pets make the trip between households, as well. Having a companion along for the trip is a source of comfort for children.

Two different sets of household rules are a frequent problem of kids having two homes. This can often be the source of great conflict between the parents, and confusing to the children. The difference in rules between households should be minimized as much as possible. In particular, parents will want to pay special attention to keeping the basics of the children’s routine the same, such as bedtime, mealtimes, habits regarding bathing, chore responsibilities, homework, curfews, allowances, use of cars, etc. As long as the children’s routine is kept consistent, though, the parents should be prepared to realize that the other parent might have a different parenting philosophy.

To the extent possible, parents should jointly attend children’s events, such as sporting events, dance recitals, etc. Even if the parents’ relationship is such that they must view the event from separate locations, it at least gives the children reassurance that they both desire to be involved in their children’s life, regardless of their relationship to the other parent.

Children should never be used to relay messages between parents. Doing so forces the children to decide which parent should receive their loyalty. There is also the risk that the children will feel unloved by a parent if certain commands are not followed. If messages need to be transmitted through the parents, a notebook or journal should be allowed so that the children are not thrust into the parents’ conflict. E-mail communications is another, increasingly frequent, option for divorcing parents.

Over time, children can adapt and function well in two homes. However, the parents bear a responsibility to make the transition as seamless as possible, as well as to avoid placing the child into the center of their conflict.

Parenting Time (Colorado Law)

VISITATION OR “PARENTING TIME”

“Parenting time” refers to how time with the children will be divided between divorced parents. This term replaced the term, “visitation”, which is now no longer officially used in the Colorado divorce statutes. Courts usually designate parenting time for one parent, and the other parent as the “primary care parent”, or “the parent with whom the children reside the majority of the time”. This designation can be important in determining significant parenting issues, such as whether a parent can permanently leave the state with the children.

In divorce, a court will approve most parenting time plans, so long as the parents agree and the court formally finds the parenting plan to be in the children’s best interests. If there is no agreement, the court will decide how parenting time will be divided, based on this best interests standard.

The statute that addresses children’s best interest states: “The general assembly finds and declares that it is in the best interest of all parties to encourage frequent and continuing contact between each parent and the minor children of the marriage after the parents have separated or dissolved their marriage.” Because the Legislature wants “frequent and continuing contact between each parent and the minor children,” judges often award considerable parenting time to non-custodial parents, even if that parent has had less contact with the children in the past. Many judges want to give non-custodial parents an opportunity to reestablish or enhance their parental relationships, even where they have failed to do so previously. This can be very frustrating to a parent who has provided all or most of the parental care, especially since the law also clearly states that parenting time will not be affected by lack of child support payments, which may also be an issue with formerly absent parents.

The amount of parenting time awarded by the court to the non-custodial parent might be affected by many factors. One is the child’s age. Children under about two-and-one-half years old will likely have few, if any, overnights with a non-custodial parent. Judges generally prefer shorter, more frequent parenting time, for younger children. Once a child reaches school age, courts often prefer he or she spend all school nights in one place; thus weekends, holidays and summers become important parenting time opportunities. Because judges do not like to give all free time to one parent, every-other weekend arrangements are common. Dividing holidays also allows both parents to alternately enjoy them with their children. When a parent lives out of state, summers may be used to make up for parenting time that might otherwise occur during the school year.

There is no age in Colorado at which a minor child may decide his or her own parenting time; however, the more mature the child, the more credence a judge will give the child’s wishes. In a parenting time dispute, the court may appoint a special advocate, who is an attorney or mental health professional, to interview the parties, children, and others, to recommend a parenting time plan to the court.

It is important that you carefully consider the long-term ramifications of any parenting plan that you enter into. You should, where necessary, consult with a skilled therapist and attorney, in order to review your options. There should be built-in provisions to enforce the agreement, as well as to modify the agreement. After all, the children’s well being must be the central focus in any well crafted parenting plan.